Love. One. Another.

For most of my life i've struggled with the self righteous judgments from everyone around me. Constantly being judged while trying to find myself. First for being ugly- obnoxious- nerdy- not dressing right or acting right, to dressing more provocatively- trying to get attention for the wrong reasons. Needing to feel attractive by dressing in short skirts and skimpy shirts. Praying that one day i would be beautiful. Obviously not fitting in with any of the girls in church- but more-so knowing that i was honestly despised and disliked by all of them. Knowing the smiles and activity invitations were fake and part of an obligation. Always searching for a way to "fit-in" somewhere but never quite reaching those standards.

I remember questioning religious beliefs that i'd grown up hearing... attending church with other friends- needing to find the answers for myself. Listening to the closed off views and double standards that existed in each community based on looks, attitude, background etc. Having friends that were gay, poor, non-religious, those that liked to drink and do drugs, and all things forbidden by the righteous standards set forth by the organizations. Never understanding how the logic that different means they're no good.

Correct me if i'm wrong but Jesus taught to Love one Another, Love they neighbor as thyself and to let he without sin cast the first stone.

Buddha taught that "Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule." And that "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else' you are the one who gets burned."

Krishna and Rama from Hinduism preached that we should never "get angry or harm any living creature, but be compassionate and gentle; show good will to all." and that "Love means giving selflessly, excluding none and including all"

According to Muslims, Muhammad taught that "A true Muslim is the one who does not defame or abuse others; but the truly righteous become a refuge for humankind, their lives and their properties." And asked his followers "Do you love your creator? Love your fellow-beings first."

In Judaism, their scriptures teach a couple remarkable things. First, “Love your neighbor like yourself.” Second, “Examine the contents, not the bottle.”

The greatest spiritual leaders in history have all preached love for others as the basis for all happiness, and never did they accompany such mandates with a list of unlovable actions or deeds. They never said, love everybody exceptfor the gays. Love everybody except for the homeless. Love everybody except for the drug users. Love everybody except for the gang members, or those covered in ink, or the spouse abusers. They didn’t tell us it was okay to love everybody with the exception of the “trailer trash,” those living in poverty, or the illegal immigrants. There was never any fine print attached to those commandments.

Simply Love others.

Period.

Why is it that sometimes the most Christlike people are they who have no religion at all?

I have known a lot of people in my life, and I can tell you this… Some of the ones who understood love better than anyone else were those who the rest of the world had long before measured as lost or gone. Some of the people who were able to look at the dirtiest, the poorest, the gays, the straights, the drug users, those in recovery, the basest of sinners, and those who were just… plain… different…

They were able to look at them all and only see strength. Beauty. Potential. Hope.

Isn’t that what love actually is?

Don’t get me wrong. I know a lot of incredible Christians, too. I know some incredible Buddhists and Muslims and Hindus and Jews. I know a lot of amazing people, devout in their various religions, who truly love the people around them. I also know some atheist, agnostic, or religionless people who are absolutely hateful of believers. They loathe their religious counterparts. They love only those who believe (or don’t believe) the same things they do.

In truth, having a religion doesn’t make a person love or not love others. It doesn’t make a person accept or not accept others. It doesn’t make a person befriend or not befriend others. Being without a religion doesn’t make somebody do or be any of that either. No, what makes somebody love, accept, and befriend their fellow man is letting go of a need to be better than others.

Nothing else.

I know there are many here who believe that living a homosexual life is a sin, an unnatural abomination in the eyes of God.

Okay.

First: what does that have to do with love?  And Second: Are you God? Because if you're not then you aren't delegated to make that judgement.

Come on. Don’t we understand? Don’t we get it? To put our arm around someone who is gay, someone who has an addiction, somebody who lives a different lifestyle, someone who is not what WE think they should be… doing that has nothing to do with enabling them or accepting what they do as okay by us. It has nothing to do with encouraging them in their practice of what you or I might feel or believe is wrong vs right. It has everything to do with being a good human being. A good person. A good friend.

That’s all.

I’m not here to say homosexuality is a sin or isn’t a sin. To be honest, I. DONT. CARE. I’m not here to debate whether or not it’s natural or genetic. Again, I… don’t… care. Those debates hold no encumbrance for me. If you're a good person- if you love others and treat people with respect... you're alright in my book.

I do however care about this incessent need some of us have to declare ourselves right and “perfect” all the freaking time and any chance we have. But guess what- There are things we all do or believe that other people consider “sinful.” There are things we all do or believe that other people consider “wrong.” There are things we all do or believe that other people would be disgusted or angered by.

“Yes, but I have the truth!” most people will adamantly declare.

Okay.

Whether you do or not… show it with your actions...show it with your deeds- not with your preaching and 'holier than thou' judgmental, condescending words. Not with your looks of disapproval or disgust.

Live the doctrine you cherish, don't preach it.

And just Love. One. Another.

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving is always about food, football & mass texts regarding the 2.

After so many struggles this last year I've been able to take a step back. Deciding that instead of celebrating Thanksgiving for the binge eating and pig skin tossing over indulging tradition that it has become- I was simply going to give thanks.

Instead of sending hallow mass "Happy Thanksgiving" texts to every person in my phone like the 30 i'd received... I began going through my contacts and thinking about who has been influential this past year and why i'm grateful for them in my life. So often we keep our gratitude for our friends, family and aquaintances stored inside our minds and they never hear how much the little things they've done have made a difference.

There are always those stories where a smile, a hug or simply a hello have completely changed the course of an individuals life. Prevented a suicide... given hope... etc. so why do we keep our appreciation to ourselves? Dont we all like to receive acknowledgment and compliments? Not that we do the things we do for praise... but occasionally- its nice to hear that someone notices. :)

There were 10 people out of the 350+ contacts that received a special- individual message about how they have improved my life, how grateful i am and how much i appreciate being blessed with their presence in my life- whether its for a reason, a season or those that will be there for a lifetime.

Taking the time to truly stop and think about each person and their individual impact and to let them know how amazing they are was an incredible experience. Adding substance behind the holiday text fills your soul and makes the belly that much smaller ;)

What in Gay-Hell?!!!!

As an individual that only judges people based on their character (and more often than not- their physical attributes) I have many friends from all walks of life.


My favorite friends are my gay boys!


All through high school I watched as they were judged, mistreated and teased. Listened to my authority figures talk about God and how homosexuality is unnatural and an abomination before God- to which I always replied:

"Are you God? No? Ok then, its NOT your place to judge."

Oh how my daddy loved that comment! ;) But its a good point. Its so sad to watch our neighbors and friends who are genuinely all around good people and respected members of the community and religious congregations until they come out as gay. Then suddenly they end up marked with the scarlet letter branded into their foreheads. I could never understand how people's opinions change so quickly about a person after finding out their sexual preference went against the norm. The person themselves didn't change... other than they may have felt mildly more liberated after letting out one of the deepest secrets of their life!


As i've continually stood up for my friends the self-righteous and judgmental members of my community would quote me 2 scriptures:

^{Leviticus 18:22:" (22)} Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination."

Leviticus 20:13: "(13) If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

I even had a former bishop tell me once that as a culture and as a church of God, "we are becoming too tolerant and too accepting of the gay lifestyle." I'm sorry, but when as a human race are we ever TOO tolerant and accepting of anyone? Especially in an organization that preaches acceptance, love one another, thou shalt not judge and so on and so forth. Christ himself was constantly seen with the lepers, the rejects and the sinners- without casting judgement or doubt, he loved each and everyone of them completely, no questions asked- so why is it a double standard for us when we're taught from a young age to try to be like Jesus.


One of my favorite songs growing up in church was this:

"I'm trying to be like Jesus;

I'm following in his ways.

I'm trying to love as he did,

In all that i do and say.

At times I am tempted to make a wrong choice,

But i try to listen as the still small voice whispers:

Love one another as Jesus loves you

Try to show kindness in all that you do

Be gently and loving in deed and in thought

For these are the things Jesus taught.

I'm trying to love my neighbor

I'm learning to serve my friends

I watch for the day of gladness

When Jesus will come again

I try to remember the lessons he taught

Then the Holy Spirit enters my thoughts, saying:

Love one another as Jesus loves you.

Try to show kindness in all that you do

Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought

For these are the things Jesus taught."

Its a sad day when your faith, spirituality and trust in the members and leaders of religion start becoming questioned in your mind because of the contrasting principles found throughout the scriptures and talks. 

'Leviticus 18:29-- says regarding all offenders: "Whosoever shall commit any of these abominations, even the souls that commit them shall be cut off from among their people"

Yet both Matthew and John say something else entirely:

John 13:34- " (34)A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

Mathew 22:37-39- "(37)Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. (38)This is the first and great commandment. (39)And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.

I personally prefer the last 2... be a good person, dont rape or kill or steal... work hard and dont live off of my taxes... dont cheat... and we'll get along fine, no matter if you believe in God, dont believe in God, are LGTBQQI, straight, rich, poor, whatever.

While going through my sexual assault counseling training we covered this very topic. My very favorite exercise is included below. This questionnaire written by Martin Rochmlin, Ph.D ©1972 was asked to each of us individually and puts the entire gay and lesbian lifestyle into a better perspective.

Read each question asked incessantly to the gay members of our community and consider how asinine each inquiry really is when switched around to fit the 'norm' lifestyle:

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

2. When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?

3. Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?

4. Could it be that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?

5. If you’ve never slept with a person of the same sex, how can you be sure you wouldn’t prefer that?

6. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?

7. Why do heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into their lifestyle?

8. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Can’t you just be what you are and keep it quiet?

9. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual men. Do you consider it safe to expose children to heterosexual male teachers, pediatricians, priests, or scoutmasters?

10. With all the societal support for marriage, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?

11. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

12. Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Don’t you fear s/he might be

inclined to influence you in the direction of her/his own leanings?

13. With the sexually segregated living conditions of military life, isn’t heterosexuality

incompatible with military service?

14. How can you enjoy an emotionally fulfilling experience with a person of the other sex when there are such vast differences between you? How can a man know what pleases a woman sexually or vice-versa?

15. Shouldn’t you ask your far-out straight cohorts, like skinheads and born-agains, to keep

quiet? Wouldn’t that improve your image?

16. Why are heterosexuals so promiscuous?

17. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable you to change if you really want to. After all, you never deliberately chose to be a heterosexual, did you? Have you considered aversion therapy or Heterosexuals Anonymous?

I hope you enjoyed that little exercise!

Xo

-Reesa

Racist? Sexist? Political humor? Stop Being So Sensitive!!!

"One Nation Under God, Indivisible, With Liberty, and Justice For All."

I am so tired of hearing any comment or criticism of anyone non-Caucasian suddenly indicating that the offender is an ignorant racist.

First off let me start by saying i am the FARTHEST person away from being racist. I will call it like i see it, call it like i hear it- with absolutely no regard to the color of your skin or your ethnic heritage- because frankly i don't give a damn where you're from; if you're an idiot you're an idiot!

I couldn't care less if you're black, white, yellow, orange, green, purple or rainbow with sprinkles. Nor if you're gay, straight, slightly bent, or swinging. I dont care if you rock the turbin, a mumu, or a kilt. It doesn't matter if you believe in God, Buddah, Allah, or nothing at all. Or if you drink, do drugs or are as prudent as they come. My opinion of you is based solely on your character and your actions... and more than likely on your physical attributes if you're especially unfortunate looking. Be a good person and you're alright in my book!

I'll be the first to stand up and say slavery was wrong, prejudice and discrimination are wrong- but i'm also going to be the first to stand up and say- 'Welcome to our country- learn English, work hard, be a productive & valuable member of society and pass a random drug test if you ever need to utilize governmentally funded programs.' 

Ooops- call me a racist again for having pride and high expectations of our country. Sorry if you dont have enough respect for our country to learn the language.

So lets discuss double standards and the misconception of racism:

Racism is defined as: hatred or intolerance of another race or other races; a belief that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others; discrimination.

Now that we've clarified what it IS, lets talk about what it is not.

Referring to Obama as an incompetent ape because of his lack of experience and proven unsuccessful tenure as POTUS is not racist. More than once George Bush and Condoleeza Rice (who is a black woman) were depicted as a monkey's and the public looked the other way disregarding it as mere liberal political humor.

Dont get me wrong, i understand that being referred to as a monkey is a sensitive spot for some individuals because of slavery and ethnic heritage- but let it GO seriously. The Civil war ended in 1865 and while there are some areas (predominantly in the impoverished uneducated white from the south) that are still extremely racist towards the african american culture- most of the country has moved on. It seems the only culture now that really cares about playing the race card are the african americans themselves. Yes, what happened to your ancestors was unacceptable and is an embarrassment to all of us- but seriously its time to stop leaning on THAT crutch and take the race card out of the deck. Its about as useful as the Joker card of the deck.

The double standards of this country are sickening. If we were to have the United Caucasian College Fund- we would be "discriminatory and racist" If we had White History Month- we would be "discriminatory and racist" Not that i care that we have the United Negro College Fund and Black History Month- I think they are fantastic organizations and great ways to celebrate history. But the double standard is still there.

How can I as a lower-middle class White girl have the arrogance to criticize anything a black person does? That must mean i'm a racist! Bring me my shoes... lets see if they fit!

If i dont vote for Obama- it must be because i'm racist. If i didn't vote for Hilary, I must also be sexist. See? Vote for Obama because he’s Black, you are enlightened, progressive and fair minded. Don’t vote for Obama, even if it’s because you totally disagree with his unhinged liberal dementia, you are a racist.

"NO White PERSON ON EARTH is allowed to criticize Barack Obama, even on matters that have nothing to do with ethnicity such as his policies and flamingly liberal bias, because THAT WOULD BE RACIST." -Unknown

"And here’s a really racist question: Why haven’t blacks assimilated completely into American society, even after the federal government has spent more than $700 billion dollars on the poor—largely on poor blacks—since former President Lyndon Johnson vastly expanded welfare with his War on Poverty nearly 40 years ago? Irish people like me have assimilated, and my immigrant ancestors were valued below slaves when they arrived on the boats in places like New York and New Orleans at the height of their great flight from Irish hunger a century ago. And millions of Mexicans are assimilating right before our eyes. Is it really because racism continues to keep blacks down, or is it their own fault, a fault that mainly has to do with their desire—or lack of it—to stand on their own two feet? These are all terrible questions for a white man to ask, I know. I must indeed be a racist to bring these things up." -Dave Duffy

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..." -Dr. Seuss

Our country is supposed to be " One nation under God" unless of coarse you're agnostic- then there is no God in your nation- but regardless, we are supposed to be ONE NATION!

We aren't 'African-Americans', 'American-Indians', 'Irish-Americans', 'Mexican-Americans'... We are AMERICANS. 

We all share with the same rights, the same freedoms and the same opportunities. Its just too bad the race card is thrown in when no justifiable argument can be disclosed. The minorities of our country have more opportunity than myself as a married with children, working, law-abiding, tax paying, lower middle class white girl. You try finding scholarships for someone with my credentials!

Indivisible. We as a country pledge to be inseparable, unbreakable and unified when we state that word.

With Liberty. Encompasses our free speech, independence and opportunity.

and Justice for all... well... this is questionable looking at our justice system as of late- but thats another blog entirely! ;)

So why is it as a country we have become so separated?

We are separated by skin color, by religion, by the area we live in. And then politically we are separated- right wing, left wing, liberal, conservative, tea party.. blah blah blah. Aren't we all supposed to be fighting for the same thing?

Its too bad that politics have become nothing more than high school popularity contests aimed at slandering opponents and their families, achieving social status and security while being continually fixated on crooked deals and under the table manipulations to feed their own deceitful agendas. They've all stopped being for the people they were elected to represent and now only look out for themselves.

So please explain to me how a simple comment like referring to Obama as a stupid ape- based on his social ineptitude and physical appearance falls under the category of racism. Its NOT hatred or intolerance of him because he's HALF black, I DONT believe the white race is superior- actually the opposite- most are fat; lazy white hill-billy slobs that rely on government assistance instead of putting in an honest days work. And I sure as hell am NOT discriminating or singling out Obama because he's half black. Hell lets vote in Oprah Winfrey and have ourselves the first black woman president of the United States! At least she's a better representation of her heritage than Mr Osama Obama!

A twit is a twit- 

no matter what color 

they are- 

No matter what

country they're from,

be they near or be far.

"I know, up on top you are seeing great sights, but down here at the bottom we, too, should have rights."- Dr. Suess

The END.

Shaken, Stirred or Straight Up- How do you like it?

One of my guilty pleasures is people watching- yes i'm the weirdo at the mall watching you interact with your friends. People fascinate me, but more so i like to analyze their reactions and emotions to situations they are faced with.

One thing i've noticed is that people tend to prefer things in one of 3 ways- shaken, stirred or straight up.

Personally i'm a straight up kind of girl. I would rather you tell me the truth, tell it blunt and get it over with without all of the fluff surrounding whatever it is you're trying to say. I get irritated when people dont just spit it out! You wont hurt my feelings by just saying whatever it is you're thinking because my reaction to your comments drives my emotion. I take it for what its worth and hope that what you're saying is true. So if you tell me those pants make me look fat- i sure as hell wont buy them and truely appreciate the honesty of a good friend. =]

Others i've noticed would rather have things come to them stirred. They still want the truth they just want it in a round about kind of way. example: Instead of saying 'That shirt makes you look fat' its better to say 'Thats probably not the right style for you'. One of my all time favorite poets summed this up perfectly:

"Tell all the Truth but tell it slant --

Success in Circuit lies

Too bright for our infirm Delight

The Truth's superb surprise

As Lightning to the Children eased

With explanation kind

The Truth must dazzle gradually

Or every man be blind"

-Emily Dickenson



Finally, there are the people that take everything in life shaken up. They want to hear what they want to hear- truth or not. I've never understood this concept. As a friend i wont let you go out looking like you poured yourself into your clothes; muffin top all hangin out, butt crack sideways smiling at the world- i respect my friends too much to allow them to be the target of the reactions they will undoubtedly get.

The hardest part of all of these concepts is finding out how you prefer things, and judging how the people you interact need to hear things. If someone gave me something shaken i would have a hard time respecting and trusting that person- if i know you're lying to my face to spare my feelings, what else will you lie to me about? But, there have also been times that i have been the giver of harsh yet truthful remarks when those friends wanted me to lie.

All in all the lessons i've learned is that everything is better stirred. The truth is there, feelings can be spared and people will  respect and trust your judgements.

So how do you take it? And how do you give it?

Love and learning

Today I was confronted with an extremely difficult question to ponder:

Is it possible to honestly love whole-heartedly and still be selfish at the same time?

To me it seems impossible, an oxymoron that couldn't possibly ring true. But as a person that is unable to truely be selfish i guess i'm unable to understand.

See i'm the kind of person that if you are struggling, if you need help and if i love you- i will do everything i can to help you out- no questions asked. So when faced with someone so totally opposite, I can't comprehend how you couldn't- IF you truely loved them and cared about them.

Granted- it makes me a doormat and i get walked on and taken advantage of more often than not- so maybe the selfish person really isn't selfish at all but just protecting themselves from the inevitable hurt that follows? Maybe keeping ones own interests in the forefront of our minds should always take precedence over others? Maybe in real life there is no such thing as friends or family or commited relationships of 2 partners dedicated to endure to the end... just people brought into your life to toy with you and challenge your character and ingenuity continuously to make us grow until we reach that end, whatever that may be for each of us.

One thing i know as i sit here with a broken spirit and a bruised ego is that although the hardest thing you can do is swallow your pride, admit that you need help and conjur up the courage to ask for it; the worst possible outcome is for that person to turn their back on you and kick you while you're already down and vulnerable. The most overwhelming feeling of worthlessness and failure takes over despite any attempt at remaining positive.

So as i ponder these thoughts i wonder- is it truely selfishness? Can it truely be love if it is selfishness? Are emotions like love, compassion and caring real Or am i just crazy to try and play doctor, putting bandaids on every wound i come across, just to be turned away at the door when my turn comes along.