Point being- we were great friends, First!
Five and a half years doesn't seem like much- and to some, seems like an eternity. I mean- holy shit! No one stays married that long anymore! But being married 3 months after you turned 20 and divorced 5.5 years later is huge in terms of emotional and mental maturity.
What is more amazing to me, is how much the game changed from the time I was 20 to now being 27!
I don't date because: I don't know how to anymore!
Romance and chivalry have all but vanished as the 20 and 30 something singles have moved on and become the hook up generation. We replace partners as often as we replace our phones/tvs/computers. The 'newer;better models' are always just a couple of weeks away. If something isn't quite "right" we'll find one that is. It's like comparing the pro's and cons of your iPhone vs your Android vs your Samsung galaxy- of partners! Gotta get the latest and greatest upgrade!
Technology killed the dating scene.
Gone are the days of that awkward second or third date when the long awaited first kiss finally happened. The days of phone calls and dinners or God forbid awkward flirting. The all night conversations. Flowers. Poems. Him getting your door for you while you reach across and unlock his for him.
I actually even miss the chafing resulting from a good; hard core make-out session in jeans, in the cab of a truck or around the poorly placed gear shifter, late night in the park or on a dirt road in the middle of the woods!
Now- the average "relationship" lasts about 2 weeks. Hit it and Quit it... Emma Webster pretty accurately portrays the cycle here:
http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/the-two-week-relationship-the-predictable-fate-of-every-woman-on-the-dating-scene/
I challenge you to have an intelligent conversation with someone new! Talk a couple of times a week about life, dreams, views, interests, hobbies... get to know their story or at least their middle name before you go all raging hormones on them. I like to see how long it takes before the conversation is turned sexual. Helps me gauge how much effort or interest I'll put into an individual. Even more surprising to me is how quickly these single- and more often than not- taken men are prone to unzipping their pants and sending unrequested pictures of themselves.
"Here I am!"
I don't blame the men though. Not really... Sex is scientifically proven to be on the brain constantly for them. From 'Tug Tuesdays' to twerking to just plain throwing it all out there, we as women have allowed the standard to drop. Men don't have to work for the package- you unwrapped it for him... He probably doesn't even want the toy inside, just the box it came in. He'll play around with it for a bit- build a fort, stake his claim, conquer it and then be bored with it. Where does the box end up once the thrill is gone?
The recycle bin...
in the alley...
alone...
Crumpled...crushed..
Bruised, beaten and broken...
Right next to yesterday's news..
And you gave him the prize before he took you out for a half-assed meal or at most afforded you a decent conversation!
You got the dollar menu date!
Its a shame.
Coming back to the dating scene with the new norm being quick, dirty and disrespectful has made the effort to find a nanny or put on makeup and pants completely unappealing. The few dates I've been on were less than pleasant experiences. Ive received more random dick pictures than a urologist sees in a year (thanks snapchat). And I've been more violated, disrespected, used and put down in the last 2.5 years than I ever have before in my life!
Only one person has given me the type of dating experience I missed...the butterflies, the conversation, the anticipated first kiss- without anything more... And I believe the only reason he was able to do so is the fact that he is considerably older. Like graduating high school when I entered kindergarten older... He's from a better generation. And I missed that experience so much- I freaked him out! Ha!
With the sheer amount of easy options on social media, the lack of available gentlemen (that aren't old enough to be my father), and the abundance of 'perpetual friend-zone-we just have no chemistry or you aren't attractive and I'm shallow' men... I've simply become cynical to the game. I never was much for playing anyways... Ain't nobody got time for that! But now...Dating is no longer what it used to be.
It's pointless.
Besides missing having a best friend to come home to on occasion, I'm much happier staying committed to myself & holding myself in a higher regard, than adding myself to the half naked cesspool of singles.
So...If you need me, I'll be on the couch w Ben and Jerry, watching an unrealistic; sappy Rom-Com and picturing my own hopeless-romantic fairytale of a man that no longer exists in this world. Because the reality is, if he does, he's gay or taken or old enough to be my father.
#ForeverAlone #HappyThisWay
