Shaken, Stirred or Straight Up- How do you like it?

One of my guilty pleasures is people watching- yes i'm the weirdo at the mall watching you interact with your friends. People fascinate me, but more so i like to analyze their reactions and emotions to situations they are faced with.

One thing i've noticed is that people tend to prefer things in one of 3 ways- shaken, stirred or straight up.

Personally i'm a straight up kind of girl. I would rather you tell me the truth, tell it blunt and get it over with without all of the fluff surrounding whatever it is you're trying to say. I get irritated when people dont just spit it out! You wont hurt my feelings by just saying whatever it is you're thinking because my reaction to your comments drives my emotion. I take it for what its worth and hope that what you're saying is true. So if you tell me those pants make me look fat- i sure as hell wont buy them and truely appreciate the honesty of a good friend. =]

Others i've noticed would rather have things come to them stirred. They still want the truth they just want it in a round about kind of way. example: Instead of saying 'That shirt makes you look fat' its better to say 'Thats probably not the right style for you'. One of my all time favorite poets summed this up perfectly:

"Tell all the Truth but tell it slant --

Success in Circuit lies

Too bright for our infirm Delight

The Truth's superb surprise

As Lightning to the Children eased

With explanation kind

The Truth must dazzle gradually

Or every man be blind"

-Emily Dickenson



Finally, there are the people that take everything in life shaken up. They want to hear what they want to hear- truth or not. I've never understood this concept. As a friend i wont let you go out looking like you poured yourself into your clothes; muffin top all hangin out, butt crack sideways smiling at the world- i respect my friends too much to allow them to be the target of the reactions they will undoubtedly get.

The hardest part of all of these concepts is finding out how you prefer things, and judging how the people you interact need to hear things. If someone gave me something shaken i would have a hard time respecting and trusting that person- if i know you're lying to my face to spare my feelings, what else will you lie to me about? But, there have also been times that i have been the giver of harsh yet truthful remarks when those friends wanted me to lie.

All in all the lessons i've learned is that everything is better stirred. The truth is there, feelings can be spared and people will  respect and trust your judgements.

So how do you take it? And how do you give it?

Love and learning

Today I was confronted with an extremely difficult question to ponder:

Is it possible to honestly love whole-heartedly and still be selfish at the same time?

To me it seems impossible, an oxymoron that couldn't possibly ring true. But as a person that is unable to truely be selfish i guess i'm unable to understand.

See i'm the kind of person that if you are struggling, if you need help and if i love you- i will do everything i can to help you out- no questions asked. So when faced with someone so totally opposite, I can't comprehend how you couldn't- IF you truely loved them and cared about them.

Granted- it makes me a doormat and i get walked on and taken advantage of more often than not- so maybe the selfish person really isn't selfish at all but just protecting themselves from the inevitable hurt that follows? Maybe keeping ones own interests in the forefront of our minds should always take precedence over others? Maybe in real life there is no such thing as friends or family or commited relationships of 2 partners dedicated to endure to the end... just people brought into your life to toy with you and challenge your character and ingenuity continuously to make us grow until we reach that end, whatever that may be for each of us.

One thing i know as i sit here with a broken spirit and a bruised ego is that although the hardest thing you can do is swallow your pride, admit that you need help and conjur up the courage to ask for it; the worst possible outcome is for that person to turn their back on you and kick you while you're already down and vulnerable. The most overwhelming feeling of worthlessness and failure takes over despite any attempt at remaining positive.

So as i ponder these thoughts i wonder- is it truely selfishness? Can it truely be love if it is selfishness? Are emotions like love, compassion and caring real Or am i just crazy to try and play doctor, putting bandaids on every wound i come across, just to be turned away at the door when my turn comes along.